After Death

I have just died. I do not know how. But I am standing in what feels like a familiar location in the middle of a street. A man appears. He is taller than me and appears slightly older with shaggy dark hair and dark features. I say, "Am I dead?" He says that I am. I ask him who he is. He says that he is a guide. I ask him what side he is on - is he good or evil (the implied question is where am I going). He gives me a funny look. He says that he does many things. He tells me that he once made demons from clay. Suddenly I feel like I am talking to someone more powerful than myself - an angel or God-figure maybe. I ask him why I should trust him when he has created evil in the world, and before he answers I also ask him why anyone would create a demon. He doesn't answer but just stares at me. He has striking blue eyes.

I ask him what I should do now. He says, "What do you want to do?" I tell him that I want to stick around Earth and see places and people before I go. He tells me that many people choose to do that before they move on. The next instant I am standing in my Catholic college in Leavenworth. I am in Dr. Kahn's office in front of his desk. I am surprised that he can see me since i am dead. I ask him how he can see me. He tells me that my thrill for life is still strong. People will still see me as long as my this remains high.

Then I am in the hall. Students can see me. One female student keeps taking pictures of my feet. I tell her that she can take a picture of my whole body if she wants, but she is convinced that ghosts can only be photographed by aiming at the floor. I sneak into a photo she is taking of her friends to prove her wrong.

Then I see my old roomate Jeff. I am a little frantic. I keep buzzing around him, asking him what I am supposed to do now - where am I supposed to go now, what is the next step. (I feel a part is missing here that I can't recall - a conversation).

I suddenly remember that I have a family and that they are probably going through a rough time. I go back to see Dr. Khan. I tell him that I am worried about my family. I want to know how they are doing, what they are doing. I am especially worried about both my mother and my cat. I am afraid my mother will not be able to cope with losing both her mother (my grandmother) and me so closely together. My fear for my cat is that he will have no one who understands him.

I ask Dr. Khan if I should take a bus or a plane back to my house. He says 'no,' its easier than that. All I have to do is close my eyes and ask to appear, literally, as the person who is loved to the people who love me and I will go to them. I also must concentrate on a position I am familiar with inside their their home. I close my eyes and ask desperately to go to them. I am very worried about my mother. In my minds-eye I see my parents' basement where she has stacked hundreds of multi-colored tin cans in neat little rows, all the way up to the ceiling.

Next, I feel myself start to be drawn to their house. I am trying to imagine their wooden floor. I feel myself laying down. I know I am on their floor. When I am sure that I am there I open my eyes.

Note: When I opened my eyes I was awake in my own bed.

Killing Everyone on Earth

Note: This dream shares a parallel. See: Strangling a Man

I am in a strange metal building. There are people milling about. I feel a surge of anger - I have been plotting something for a long time. Today is the day I will carry it out. In a rush of hate, I walk up to a metal tower at the center of a metal plaza and place a vial of biotoxin in a small slot at the center. I am aware of two things instantly: 1) I invented this toxin myself and 2) It has the capacity to kill every human being on the planet.

After it is done I sort of step back. I feel my stomach sink. No one knows yet what I have done. I am also suddenly aware that I, too, will die from this disease. I feel angry again and I rush down to a crowded area to infect more unsuspecting people (since I am contaminated). It doesn't make me feel any better.

Time passes, I witness the first people getting sick. First, they wander around in an extremely happy state - like they are drunk. Then the sore throat sets in. Then they lose the ability to swallow. Then it moves to their lungs and they die painfully. I still feel that sinking feeling. Suddenly my mother is there. She asks me why I look so upset. I tell her "I have just killed millions of people, mom. Everyone is going to die soon because of me, and I don't see how God will ever forgive me."

Later, I begin to feel the first symptoms. I feel a little tipsy but not quite drunk. Then I have a terrible time swallowing, but I still manage occaisionally. I realize something that surprises me: I may be immune to my own manufactured disease. I may yet live. I also realize that if I tell people that some scientists may be able to use my immune system to create a cure. I pause at this thought. Do I save humanity or let it die?

Knight Halo and Conversation

I am playing a game that is similar to Halo but medieval. First I am crawling through some tunnels and then I emerge on the top of a castle and look around as knights pour out of windows and doors. One comes out the wrong window and falls straight out of the castle into the moat below. I laugh.

Later, I seem to be in a car. It drives straight into a bookstore. I discover that I am with Liz. We get out of the car, where I find that we have parked in the back of the bookstore (Which is a perfect mirror of the Barnes and Noble on Nall) and descend some stairs. I talk for a long time with Liz and she derides my family for celebrating with extravagance on Christmas.

Fixing the Elevator

I am with other passengers in an elevator. The elevator gets stuck between floors. The dream skips forward, the other passengers and I have been stuck for several weeks. We have stopped at an in-between floor with a small flat outcropping with a couch and a television. I recall that everyone has acted disorganized and selfish. I am on my belly trying to clear away some sort of material that is hanging in the elevator shaft. I get up and look at my computer console (in the elevator). Someone approaches. She asks me how the progress is going. I say, 'fine but it will take another week or so.'

Talking with Grandma

*Note: My grandmother passed away July 30 2005

I am in my car with my friend Holly. I receive a phone call. I answer the phone and its my grandmother.

She says, 'Hi Honey!'

I say, 'hi grandma, I have missed you. I think of you every day.'

I say, 'I have missed you so much grandma and I love you'

'I love you too,' she says

'How is heaven, Grandma' I ask

Suddenly the connection is gone.

Fantasy Island

I'm on a forrested island. I have been here before. I am playing a game with others. The trick is to manipulate the environment through some sort of magic...sketchy...the intention to change the environment changes it.

I am being chased by a swarm of locusts. I am impressed by this trick. I run outside the hedge that encircles the island. The locusts pass over me and make a sort of figure 8 and fly away. I outsmarted the trap.

Its time to form my own trap. There's a piece of leather parchment in front of me. I see the other team's army moving around on the paper as black dots. I'm going to lure them to the beach and then use a whale to swallow part of the army whole. I feel my plan has a fair chance of success.

Bits and pieces that are difficult to remember.

I am standing with my friends on a hill near the center of the island. It is the only place where there is a permanent structure (a sort of small wooden fortress). We are surveying the island. Everything has been charred and there is a tree stump smoking. Someone tells me that I am supposed to be a druid. I laugh. I realize the whole thing will grow back in time to play next year.

New Pet

Note: Few dreams lately. Likely do to finals.

I'm on my front lawn. A baby black jaguar is sitting on its haunches looking at me. I realize this is my new pet. I feel really connected to it. I realize it wants to play. I take it to the back lawn and we run around. We fall over and roll around in the grass. Suddenly, my dad is there barbecuing. He yells at me, says that there's no room back here to play.